The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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