im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Randomize
