There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
