ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
birth control should be required to get into college
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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