I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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