So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
