this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
