Your favorite bartender is back from prision
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
