she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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