tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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