you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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