I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
We have so much sex to catch up on
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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