Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
