Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
