id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
