dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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