I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
