You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
