I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
