winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
