South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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