Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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