I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
sarcasm needs its own font
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
