how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize