New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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