I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
