he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Randomize
