Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
