go do what you do best...puke behind churches
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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