I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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