I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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