I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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