do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
