White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
