And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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