I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
