Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
