I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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