my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
