I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
