Old men and throwing up are my life now.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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