does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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