Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Bang-toberfest begins!!
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
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