i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
