god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Randomize
