the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
well you can't waste a boner
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Randomize
