I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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