Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
