can we get nightvision for the apartment?
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
