I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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