You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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