I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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