no, he came in my armpit
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
