so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
barbara walters just said penis...
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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