You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
