I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
