I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
