I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize