Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Randomize
