I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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