Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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