Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
