he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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