really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
