I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I think my moral compass just broke
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
