Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
