I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
