Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
